When you listen to others, there are potentially 6 different ways you can listen to them. I have complied all 6 of these ways and how they can effect the speaker.
'Checked-Out' Listening
Checked-out listening actually means that you are not really listening to the person at all. You have this vague feeling that you're being spoken to but other than that, you don't care.
The speaker will get the vibe that you don't care from your body posture. This will annoy the speaker and make them feel as if you don't care about them.
Minimal Listening
Minimal listening is when you are a step above checked-out listening but give prefabricated responses that you think they other person will want to hear. When most people talk to their kids, this is the kind of listening that they give the child. This is also how most supervisors will talk to their disgruntled employees.
Most of the people who you speak to like this will recognize that you're not really paying that much attention to them. However, because this kind of talking is usually between a large age gap or power gap, the speaker wont tell you how mad you're making them. They are screaming for you to pay attention to them deep down!
I'm listening to you, but it's mostly about me
This may be the most common form of talking between people who are not family members or long term friends. You show interest in the conversation, however, you just want to say your side. You may not notice you're doing this until it's pointed out to you. This way of listening is dangerous because you may be listening but you are not willing to open the door of change to the opposing view.
Once you realize that you're doing this, you'll become flabbergasted how often this actually happens. The speaker may even notice your unwillingness to open up to an opposing view and get angry. Don't forget that your views are not perfect, you should experience change every now and then.
Facts Only Listening
Men tend to be more straight forward in verbal exchanges and will mostly speak from a factual standpoint. Females tend to speak from a emotional standpoint to build rapport with the person. These opposing views tend to make it harder to communicate properly between the parties.
Facts only listening is good when you're trying to get a point accords, however, facts only listening is not good when trying to make a connection with someone. You need to decide the best time to employ facts only and when not to.
Empathetic Listening
Finally, we're getting closer to the full package! This way of speaking will include sensitivity to words, proper body language, and facial features. This way of thinking will allow you to feel and see yourself in the others point of view. You're honest with your actions while at the same time showing genuine interest in understanding.
Optimal Listening
More than empathetic listening, your action oriented way of thinking will help you suggest ideas to help the other person out. You may even offer to take action yourself to help the speaker out. This doesn't mean that you're taking over the conversation, you're just helping the other person understand all of their options. More than any other way of thinking, optimal listening shows the speaker that you're focused on their issues. This way of listening will help you both build up a strong friendship.
Now that you know of all 6 ways of listening, will you strive to listen to others? Will you strive to help out the speaker and suggest potential options that will help them out? Will you build some strong friendships that will last a lifetime?
Part 3 will consist of common mistakes some make while listening to others.
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